I could have gone back to attending capoeira class today but I didn’t. I could have gone back home earlier than usual but I didn’t. It’s my day-off after all. And unlike yesterday that I spent my entire day finishing two books, I was in some mood for some adventure today. It’s been a long time since the last time I’ve indulged myself. So why not today?
And you know what “indulging” meant this time? I actually thought that there’s a high probability that we’d collide upon each other today. I don’t know, it’s just one of those my “I-got-an-epiphany-coming”-feeling again. After all, if you’re a criminal, you’re definitely not a prof. Your prints are all over. Facebook. Twitter. Blogs. — Stalking is not as difficult as before isn’t it? Not that I’m stalking you. No! Definitely NOT. I’d like to think more of my self as a detective. Yes, I guess, that’s a better name. Detective. I’m just trying to make sure that you are worth the attention.
Haha. Oh geez. I think I’m getting crazier by the minute, am I?
But yeah. Just to boost your ego, Yes, I took the chance. What do they call that again? A leap of Faith. Some sweet euphemism for some stupid act. I waited there, in one of the empty tables, turned on my laptop and acted busy when the truth is, I waited to see you. Thinking this maybe it. One of those serendipitous moments. Except that if “it” happens, then it’s not a fortunate accident anymore. It’s what my friend Pards would call force-coincidence. But doesn’t matter what’s it called for as long as I sat there. And my computer was running low in battery. That’s what you get when you do something stupid on impulse. But I just waited. Somehow formulating how our accidental meeting would end up.
Maybe you’d come up the escalator? Or you’d use the stairs perhaps? Should I wave? Smile? Feign surprise? Would you speak? Would I find my tongue when you’re finally in front of me? Will we finally have some small talks this time? Or we’ll simply have our usual Hi-Hello-smile-nod-turn-back on each other greetings again? I don’t even know if you’re in the City. I don’t even know if you’d come up or you’re probably in some other cafe or some other workshops again. For all I know you decided to stay home or you’re already on your way home or anywhere for that moment.
I don’t know what got me in to writing this. And not until I click on the publish button, I’m not sure if I’d set this password protected or not. But basing on the number of characters I’ve typed so far and the little sliding bar at the right side, this seems to be a long entry and it looks like only a few friends of mine would care and dare to read this.
But, just in case. Yes, just in case, you chance upon opening this page and you actually read this and for some act of fate you actually figured out it’s you I’m talking to then here it is. Do hear my confession.
I still like you. And though I still stubbornly don’t want to use the other L word on you I know you’re the closest to that. And if it’s only my pride that’s not letting me say the right words then maybe for a minute, maybe even just for this time, I’d let my guard down. Then I can tell you that I am not okay. And that for the most part I’m okay with not being okay. And I’m going to say that I miss you. And then I’m going to admit that I waited for you in that lone table with indifferent people passing by, because all I have wanted even just for this day was a chance to see you again.Tweet